Saturday, September 25, 2010
A lot of random moments and things have happened in the past week or so, that tonight all came together, and finally made sense.
Mostly, money. i don't know what it is about money that we humans see so much in, but for me, i see security. For others it may be greed and great THINGS, or comfort. But all of them are idolatry. Of course, I haven't yet reached the time in my life where I fully provide for myself financially. I am still under the leadership of my dear father and mother, but I am most certainly on a budget. And today I have realized how selfish I am with that money, how silly I am with it.
For example, I am sad, when it comes to the end of the month and funds are low, and I cant eat out with my roommates and instead I have to eat a PB&J and an apple.
After a day of being sad about that, I realize, really Marcy? There are actually real living breathing people in this world, EVERYWHERE, dying, because they haven't received nourishment in days or weeks. There are babies, and children, and mothers and fathers, who are dying, while I sit here, sad that I cant eat Pei Wei.
That's what I need continually in my world. I pray for it daily.
And here at Baylor, in Dallas, in Texas, in America, it is so easy, to get sucked in, and to be so allowed to forget. How much we have. How much we have been given.
Then, me and Jill went and saw Wall Street. Silly, I know. But it scared me to death. Money, in America, is an evil thing. We were literally raised, and it was deeply instilled in us to want THINGS. Big houses, pretty cars, nice living rooms and bedrooms, perfect pillows,yummy meals, pretty highlighted hair, cute shoes and dresses. All of it. The human in me wants my life to look like the cover of a Southern Living Magazine. I never want to say these things are at their root evil, but when they become the end all be all of a life, when I allow them to define me, when I put my trust and my identity in them, they become the deepest dark in me. The farthest thing from being in the presence of God. I should run from that with all my heart.
I still don't know what the Lord has for me in terms of my future, and I wont ever dare try to figure it out, but whatever I do, wherever I am, whether its in a hut in Africa rocking sweet baby girls to sleep so far away from my friends and family, or if its in random town, USA being a business owner, I pray it would be all for the glory of God. I want THAT to be the definition of my life. for the Glory of God.
I think this time in our lives is so defining, every time is really. But the Lord is shaping us, He is always growing us, no matter how young or old, and He is teaching us how to be more like Him.
Its such a challenge, to give your life to the Lord, and to allow Him to sit back and move your world closer and deeper into Him.
I want that though.
Because at the end of the day, I'd rather know a baby girl is falling asleep with a full stomach and a secure future with that $20 than have enjoyed a meal out with my friends
So, goal for my life before I become completely financially solo : Learn where my money really should go, and how to use it properly, especially when it comes to food.
thanks for reading my ramblings and I hope your days is the brightest,
"He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God."