Monday, November 30, 2009

falling in love

Tonight I fell in love.
For the way He saves, and redeems, and whispers truth and comfort over my fears.
For quieting my crazy crazy soul.

He is Absolutely everything I want in this life and more.

Isaiah 30:1-18 was read over me tonight, and to be honest, the Lord God Almighty breathed absolute comfort into my plans and preparations for my trip to Italy.

1 “What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,”
says the Lord.
“You make plans that are contrary to mine.
You make alliances not directed by my Spirit,
thus piling up your sins.
2 For without consulting me,
you have gone down to Egypt for help.
You have put your trust in Pharaoh’s protection.
You have tried to hide in his shade.
3 But by trusting Pharaoh, you will be humiliated,
and by depending on him, you will be disgraced.
4 For though his power extends to Zoan
and his officials have arrived in Hanes,
5 all who trust in him will be ashamed.
He will not help you.
Instead, he will disgrace you.”.....
18 So the Lord must wait for you to come to him
so he can show you his love and compassion.
For the Lord is a faithful God.
Blessed are those who wait for his help.

19 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem,
you will weep no more.
He will be gracious if you ask for help.
He will surely respond to the sound of your cries.
20 Though the Lord gave you adversity for food
and suffering for drink,
he will still be with you to teach you.
You will see your teacher with your own eyes.
21 Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left.
22 Then you will destroy all your silver idols
and your precious gold images.
You will throw them out like filthy rags,
saying to them, “Good riddance!”

This may seem confusing. But, let me explain.

I have been living in this deep deep fear that me, traveling to Italy, was in someway not the desire of the Lord. That I would not be walking in the will of the God I SERVE if I got on that plane.

Tonight, I prayed, deeply, after hearing this scripture, that the Lord take it away if He didn't want if for me.

Take away Italy. Give me only what I need. Take me only where I need to go.

And the Lord whispered, I WANT YOU TO GO. I want you to be in Italy.

But I want you to be there for me. For my GLORY. And every move you make, may you make in my will.

May you not make plans that are contrary to mine.

Lord, thank you for loving me. Thank you for whispering to me.

Holy Holy is the Lord God all mighty who loves us so deeply and intimately.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

this thanksgiving prayer.

Its thanksgiving evening.
Sitting up late, while everyone else is asleep.
Thinking about this season, and the fullness that I have been blessed to enjoy.
And thinking about the brokenness that others are experiencing.

Its daunting to think on this day of fullness, and food, and family and love, in my home,
that there are people, little children, 21 year old girls, in america, in africa, in asia, everywhere, rich and poor, slave and free, that are alone, without a family, without food, without love.

I think God chooses a specific time in a life (or at least in mine) where he finds it is time I think, it is time I realize and my heart is broken by how much of an exception my life really is. A time to realize that the THINGS I have been given, were given for the specific purpose of saving the broken, in His name, in the power of HIS spirit.

Christians are drawn so many times to the idea that the weight is on THEIR shoulders to save the world. No. That is and was Jesus Christ's job. his life. his purpose. his death. his resurrection. It is not OUR job. it is christ's job, THROUGH us.
So I pray tonight, that by the power of HIS spirit alone, i could love another. I could reach out. Stop living this life of material fullness, in order to give someone who has nothing, something.

Prayer is so powerful. Prayer is something I was called specifically to do. Why in the world would Jesus Christ command us to pray if it was of no importance. it is of EVERY importance to this world. To lives. To children, and families, and brokenness and loss. He is everything to all of this nothing.

So Lord, this is my prayer tonight, on this Thanksgiving. That you would continue to break my heart for the very things that break yours.
That you would give me YOUR spirit of power and boldness in prayer.
That you would draw me towards Love and patience and kindness and gentleness.
May I be a light. in constant humility.
that i would be thankful. and a good steward of the many many many things you have given me.

May I overflow with your love. And follow hard after you. All the days of my life.

Happy thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


This past week has been an absolute whirlwind.
More so than ever before.
But I made it, to the end.
To rest.

And the countdown to my departure to Italy has begun.
Oh. My. Goodness.

i am about to get on a plane, say goodbye to my family and my dearest friends, and be alone.
I am about to step out into a city where I know no one. Where i speak almost nothing of their language. and where I will be completely lost.

and i cannot wait.
I cannot wait to be lost and alone.
because to me, it will be new. and in a completely real way, i will be so very reliant on jesus. and him alone.

who knows who He will place in my life, who my roommates will be, my travel buddies, the italians I meet in my neighborhood. who knows. but, i know it will be good. i will not be alone or lost. because I will have Him.

Trastevere... I cant wait to know you.